| The House of Bad Ideas presents: |
[May. 27th, 2008|01:31 pm] |
Okay, clearly I have too much free brain-time at this job, because I think I may have just come up with what might be the most offensive and least tasteful advert in the history of advertising campaigns.
Either that, or proof I should be writing for SNL.
INT. AN EMPTY BLACK STUDIO
(A SCREEN in the middle of an otherwise blank studio shows footage from Spielberg's movie SCHINDLER'S LIST. We see brief clips illustrating the selfless humanity exhibited by Oskar Schindler as he risks his own life and virtually bankrupts himself through the simple need to save his fellow man.)
VOICEOVER
Oskar Schindler, a factory owner in Nazi Germany, spent his fortune and risked his life to save the Jewish workers in his factories from being sent to the concentration camps. He did this by giving the Nazi authorities a LIST of workers he said were essential - thus sparing them the horrors of Belsen, Dachau, and Auschwitz.
(OSKAR SCHINDLER, older, steps out from behind the screen, smiling. Even though we've pulled back from the screen, the shot itself is still entirely in black and white.)
SCHINDLER
(smiling, inclines his head at the screen beside him. Jovial tone to his voice)
That was a long time ago - now, the only LISTS I make are my grocery lists.
(He walks slowly forward. The camera pulls in closer.)
SCHINDLER
(turns serious)
But even with my grocery list, I still SAVE. I may not save Jews from a mass pogrom anymore, but I save MONEY by doing MY shopping at KWIK SAVE.
SCHINDLER
(halts in front of the camera. The screen is still visible behind him.)
Kwik Save, much like MY factories during the war, VALUES its workers. Kwik Save take pride in being the CARING employer. And like ME, they hire political undesirables --
(The screen shows a rapid montage of smiling Eastern European/Middle Eastern Kwik Save workers, all of whom we are meant to assume are illegal immigrants.)
SCHINDLER
-- and pass the savings on to YOU, the customer.
(smiles, chuckling jovially)
But don't worry - unlike MY factories, Kwik Save will ALWAYS sell you things that WORK properly.
(FADE TO BLACK: then the Kwik Save logo fades in, bright red in contrast to the black and white we've seen thus far. The soundtrack to Schindler's List plays softly in the background.)
SCHINDLER
(voiceover)
Kwik Save. I wouldn't take MY list anywhere else.
END
I think a copy of this will serve as my reservation receipt for a deluxe suite in Hell, won't it? |
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| Comments: |
It's not as good as my Heath Ledger impersonation
Does that involve lying naked and face down in bed, surrounded by bottles of pills, until a maid comes in and finds you?
How did you guess. he knows too much. I have to silence him.
It's not so hard. I can read your mind. I see all your thoughts.
Wow. I can see that in my head. That's scary. | |
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